Now that pornography is only a click away, more and more people are meeting up with their fantasies each night, releasing themselves of their pent up energy. It’s totally acceptable whether you are single or in relationship, man or woman. There’s nothing wrong with self pleasure, but unfortunately, pornography is a long story of woundedness.
In March this year, I wrote “If you have a compulsion to masturbate, you might like to look at what is driving you. Know that you are emptying yourself, when in actual fact you are seeking to be filled.” on my facebook page Soul Sex, and out of the woodwork came the compulsive masturbators, vehemently defending themselves in response to this posting, Some were outraged that I could say such a thing, including accusations that I was being a fundamentalist preacher. So I added, “ It can become an addiction, often associated with abuse in childhood. If you are releasing rather than self loving than it’s not particularly healthy.”
“This post is not about shame nor guilt, it asks you to look at what drives compulsive masturbation,” I added as the responses kept pouring in. “Hey, I am not saying that masturbation is evil. It has it’s role, but a large growing number of people in or out of relationship are masturbating to pornography on a daily basis. It is epidemic and it is becoming an addiction. If you are self pleasuring for whatever reason, make sure you are truly present with yourself.”
“Oh so now you already said that masturbation on DAILY BASES is somehow sick? What moralizing crap is this? Am I on Catholic Hypocrites page or what…? ,” retorted one woman.
“I think the key word is compulsion. Compulsion implies loss of choice. If it isn’t compulsive masturbation then I would not see a problem with it, any more than i would drinking, drugging etc. But since this is talking about a compulsion, which is typically preceded by obsessions, the post is correct. Abstinence from compulsive behavior brings about the ability to choose,” explained another reader.
”From a male perspective, I know how much damage it’s caused me psychologically…and as such, am not a big fan of M, lol. I honestly feel that one aspect of leaning towards M for sexual gratification actually drives you further and further away from having and establishing fulfilling and meaningful (sexual) relationships.”
“The author merely states to contemplate and ask yourself do I want more? Is this enough for me? Which requires deeper introspection. It’s far from a personal attack or religious dogma however most took it personally. “
One reader, summed it up beautifully, “Ha! Its funny cos when we go into defensiveness and take it really personally, and over identify with it, points to me that we are in denial of some aspect of the truth… our own truth. Hmm…”
Sidonie Bouchet is the founder/writer of the popular facebook page Soul Sex. She is presently publishing her first book Alleluia due out next month. You can find her on www.soletosoulsex.com
7 thoughts on “Sacred Masturbator”
Tonya
21 July, 2013
I did not read the Fb post though i’m sure I would say the same thing….Excellent article those attacking it clearly do not understand addiction and how addictions can be a tornado in others lives particularly this topic!
manish
21 July, 2013
can can suggest to be free of this compulsive behavior. i was sexually used as a tool by one girl in my very early childhood about when i was 4-5 years old. i am married have a child but most often than not i like to M. i meditate regularly, i do not criticize myself but this mechanic action is not showing any less regular. so what you suggest me from your experience.
Sidonie Bouchet
22 July, 2013
I’m sorry to hear that Manish.I would suggest you work through that early childhood wound, reclaiming that 4-5 year old before the event. You might also be interested in the following article http://www.soletosoulsex.com/sexual-abuse-divine-union/ Wishing much healing. Blessings.
Flore
21 July, 2013
Oh well, *ding ding* now I get it: this is excactly why I have not masturbated anymore after getting together with my lover
the people I have had relationships with before him never deserved that title sadly)…
he makes my heart sing and loves my body (and teaches me to do the same),
so I do not need to release or try to fill anything myself…
I did not understand the shift in focus, now I do!
a good woman
21 July, 2013
This posting really does not touch on sacredness of the topic at all. Except for the title the whole body of thought is concentrated on if making love to ones self is right or wrong. There is no question. Only ones self must know what is healthy & what is not. In ancient Taoism there is an example and a teaching on love. There one may find one example of the beauty and sacredness in the spirituality in love for ones own self & ones sacred companion. Pornography takes the sacredness out of it period. Take that out of the topic and make love, that is love. This is really an article on what is love for ones self and what is not. No questions asked follow your bliss.
David Krauss
22 July, 2013
Thank you for sharing this, Sidonie. Thank you very much.
Johan
25 July, 2013
I definitely have masturbated to cover up feelings I didn’t want to feel.
And I figured it out after many years and admitted to myself I’m not doing this for the right reasons. So I stopped, many times, and begun again. It’s mostly when I feel really alone, sad, depressed, crying, anger that this behaviour could seem like an exit – for an instant. I know all will be back after a while, so it’s not really a solution.
I’m just talking for myself. I was in denial many years. And now, I can sometimes look at some porn pages just to see how I feel. Sometimes I get horny, but mostly not. The way I did it before was, looking at them to become horny, and then masturbate. Now it’s a bit changed. I can feel horny and then look at the pages to easier get the release. My goal would be to feel horny, and self love, with no imagery or video as stimuli. Masturbation has lost it’s value since I woke up and stopped for the wrong reasons. I want to understand the cause and fix it instead.
Thanks for the post Sidonie Buchet.
Johan