Toaster testers caught red handed

Mullumbimby, Tuesday

Red handed, guysThe Toaster Tester gang was apprehended yesterday with an appliance appropriated from Power and Air Tools.

Owner of the kidnapped and abused kitchen-ware, Jane Thomson, told The Generator that the high quality Dualit toaster had been sent for repairs, but when the repair shop changed hands she lost track of the item. “It was a wedding present from me Mum,” she sobbed into her Pinot Grigot.

Malcolm McKenzie is the outgoing owner of the company at the centre of the kerfuffle, Power and Air Tools.

“I innocently gave the toaster to Giovanni Ebono, expecting it to be returned,” he said, “to its owner.”

Evidence leaked to The Generator by officials investigating the incident, however, put McKenzie at the centre of the scandal. A photograph shows him, with Ebono, gloating over the toaster. Both men have greasy smiles and toast crumbs on their shirts, according to a forensic expert who viewed the photographs.

Ebono was unavailable for comment but is believed to be pleased with the performance of the purloined appliance and enjoying his orange marmalade in the mornings. “I suspect the theft adds extra zest,” a source close to the gang leader said.

Further analysis by Steve Posselt

Our man in Alstonville, Steve Posselt, has followed the case with interest.

Although I am no detective, it would seem to me that the trail of
crumbs would have been easy to follow.

Of greater concern is the jumper that
Ebono is wearing in the photograph. Did he steal that from the unfortunate Jane
Thomson at the same time? Is cross dressing part of the villain’s plan
to confuse the evidence trail? Beware the man with the toothy smile and the
fluffy ladies’ top. How will he get the marmalade out of the mo hair?



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